Showing posts with label confidence. Show all posts
Showing posts with label confidence. Show all posts

The Golden Key

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

I went to a writing class this weekend. I thought I would learn a lot. I didn’t learn too much. (On a happier note, I did get blog material for two whole posts!)

I am not sure why I signed up for the course. I bumped into the listing while I was doing research for something else. The course title struck a chord and after debating for a week or so, I signed up for the class.

But there’s another reason I signed up for the course. Because I felt like I should. Because I didn’t want to miss anything. And maybe, just maybe, I felt in need of some validation.

Writers have a thin line to straddle. In one ear we’re told to learn as much as we can about our craft, to stay on top of current publishing trends, to be “in the know” about all things writer. Being “in the know” about the (volatile) writing world isn’t often encouraging and it’s easy to feel inadequate and ill-informed. But being constantly afraid of the world we wish to exist in doesn’t do us much good. If we assume we’ll know how to write after reading just one more writing how to book, we never get anything done.

On the drive home on Sunday night I told Andy, “Sometimes it feels like I’m waiting for someone to give me the magic golden key to become a writer.”

Yet, there’s a golden key already waiting within my grasp: trust. 

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Behind the Resume

Sunday, June 6, 2010
Whenever one month draws to a close and another one begins, lately the radio airwaves go haywire with the latest reports on the economy and unemployment. “Good news on the economy,” they say, every month. Never mind that they’ve been telling us “good news” about the economy for at least a year now.

It’s becoming apparent that at long last, the job outlook is truly improving. For the first time in long time, employees who needed financial security and as a result kept their noses at the grindstone much longer than they originally intended are saying “I quit,” and heading off to the greener pastures of other employment opportunities. But here we are, smack dab in the middle of graduation season and the outlook for this year’s batch of B.A.s and B.S.s is grimmer than ever. How can this be?

Well, when I was in college, just a few years ago, it had become clear that a B.A. was the new high school diploma. Then I graduated and the economy tanked. Entry level jobs, besides ever ubiquitous administrative assistant positions, all but disappeared and the batch of new grads I belonged to were told to stay in school. We could pay off that buttload of loans once the economy turned around. In just three years, as my class played the ultimate waiting game, we turned a master’s degree into the new high school diploma. And a wave of highly educated young adults with very little work experience emerged to give today’s college graduates a run for their entry-level jobs.

Anymore, we all look good on paper. As Lawrence Wetherhold said in Smart People “Students used to be passionate about literature. Now the only thing students are passionate about is getting A’s.” *gulp* Yep, guilty.

I had an ex-boyfriend accuse me of being a teacher’s pet. This wasn’t particularly true, but I did chose a major field that while extremely interesting to me, wasn’t exactly a great intellectual stretch. I worked hard in college, but I’d be lying if I said my GPA didn’t provide part of my motivation.

Still, I don’t have a master’s. When I met up with a friend in NYC in April, we both commiserated about feeling like the whole “getting a master’s is the greatest idea ever” mentality was a falsehood being shoved down our throats. “I want to see how far I can get with a B.A.” she said. Me too! And in order to outshine recent college graduates and as well as prove my three years of post-college life experience as more edifying than working towards a master’s degree, I had to write an impressive resume.

Of course, in a world of staunch job competition, we’ve all learned how to produce resumes that make us look intellectual, creative and well-rounded. When jobs are few and far between, and often not especially intellectually stimulating, we spend a lot of time bemoaning the time we’re losing to use our “skills.” But when we’ve never really used the skills our resumes allude to, the pervading sense of over-qualification in all of our resumes is perhaps our greatest fictional achievement.

Today’s young adults might think of themselves as over-qualified. But in truth, our resumes are just us groveling on the ground asking for a chance to prove ourselves.

But what do we do when our resumes land us the job we wanted?

I have a new job with more responsibility than I’ve ever had before and those icky needles of self-doubt poke around in my stomach. I wonder if I’m working hard enough. I wonder if my competency was just an allusion that I sold to myself a long time ago. I wonder just exactly how I’m going to prove myself.

Most of all, I wonder where my confident, adventurous resume persona went. That girl was really good at stuff.
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